


Gone

by iwannalovebucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Break Up, Fake Character Death, Hurt Steve Rogers, Leaving Home, Love, Love Confessions, Post-Break Up, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve, Protective Steve Rogers, Sad, Sad Ending, Steve Feels, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, sad Steve, steve os trying his best ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 10:58:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17661362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannalovebucky/pseuds/iwannalovebucky
Summary: Steve loses his life.





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> it doesn't matter because you're dead.

You waited for him. Waiting and waiting and waiting you sat in your home and looked out of the window, half expecting him to show up any second. People didn’t wait with you. No one expected him to return, everybody knew he was dead. You did too. But you buried that deep down in the pit of your stomach where all bad feelings hide and wait to eat at you.

In the end, you had to accept it of course. You cried at his grave some more, wrote him letters you would never send away, hugged your pillow wishing you could just wake up and have him there instead. But it was for no use. Everything was gone and you had to get over it. Everyone was more than happy to help. It took you some time but you became happy again. All of your friends were glad you could finally do things on your own again and when you finally decided it to go on a date again they couldn’t have been more supportive of that either.

Four months into the relationship you were discussing moving together. Your apartment wasn’t all too big but it would be more than enough for two people. You had just come home from work thinking about how much room you could make in the kitchen cupboards for you new lover when your doorbell rang.

More than a year ago you would have cried from happiness. Now there was nothing you could have done in response to your dead lover standing there, hood pulled up, hands in his pockets, an apologetic look on his face.

An awkward silence filled with stares and heavy breathing, Steve looking nervously down the hallway was finally broken by Steve.

“Can I come in?” was the first thing you heard from him since he lost his life. All you could do was nod.

He basically had to push you away since you didn’t make him any room. It was like your brain wasn’t capable of keeping track of what was happening around you, nothing seemed real anymore.

He shut the door behind himself, taking off the hood so you could see his disheveled hair, his red nose and ears from the cold outside and it seemed to you he had never looked softer, more huggable or in need of a hug. He looked like a kicked puppy.

“Look,” he could definitely tell that you weren’t going to say something anytime soon. “I know this is.. unexpected. But – the thing is..” He didn’t know what to say either. “Let me just explain this to you.”

 _It’s not like I’m keeping you from telling me_ , you thought, somehow not able to bring yourself to actually say it out loud. You simply stared at him until he began talking again.

“It was all part of a plan. A big plan. I.. I had to do it. Otherwise we couldn’t have done what we did.” Another awkward pause. You could feel anger rising from where your sadness once was. His hand brushed through his hair. “I’m sure I should explain to you what we actually did was-“

“I don’t want to know.” It was quite and involuntary but you had to say it.

“Why not?” His voice had been low all the time, like he wanted to avoid being heard by anyone, but now it was barely a whisper.

“Because you could have told me.  _Before_ you left. But you didn’t. You left me behind, crying after you-“ your voice was getting dangerously loud “-and you were, of course, out there saving the world.”

He was the one not saying anything this time around. You couldn’t help but pity him, his face expressed his fear and regret well enough.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Your voice was back to normal now.

“I wanted to protect you.”

“And that’s why you’re here now?”

“I know, I know.. I should have told you-“

“Yes, you should have.” He shot you a short glance.

“But we couldn’t have had any connection or relationship anyway.”

“But then I wouldn’t have had to go through all of the pain your death brought along with it.” It didn’t make any sense to you. Even if he would have gone away, even if you would have broken up, at least you would have known that he was alive. Did he really think you would tell someone or that this would spare you pain?

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” you sighted. “You always are but your job always gets in the way.” You remembered it all now, all of the other times Steve preferred doing his job than letting someone else do it, all of the missed dates and events, Valentines Days.. everything. “You’re always gone, you’re job is always more important than I am. You’re never there when I need you it seems like.”

“But I’m here now!” His voice sounded desperate almost. This wasn’t how he imagined this meet up to go. “Doesn’t that matter?”

You took a deep breath.  **“It doesn’t matter because you’re dead.”**

And he was. He was back at your doorstep, it was true. But he had left you with his death and all of the consequences and you had made the best out of it. He didn’t have the right to just come back and bust into your life again like nothing had ever happened. You had a new life now, one where you cherished the memories you had made with Steve but one where he was dead. He had made his choice.


End file.
